Birthmothers

Looking for an open adoptionSo far in our journey we have spoken with one birthmother. We spoke with her once and, in our excitement and nervousness, made the mistake of not asking if we could contact her again. In order to reach out, you have to have the birthmother’s permission and preferred method of contact, which is totally understandable. We didn’t ask and, after hanging up, immediately regretted it. Flag this as a lesson learned as we move forward.

Though we only had one 30-minute conversation, we find ourselves still talking about her, wondering about her, and hoping that she (and the baby) are doing well. We think about how busy she must be with finals. We talk about how beautiful the weather has been and how she’s probably enjoying the time outdoors where she is. It’s strange, isn’t it? You can talk with someone for such a short time, yet they stay on your mind for months afterwards. Maybe even years. Maybe we will always wonder about her.

Birthmothers are such special people. They are daughters and granddaughters and sisters and aunts. They are brave women with incredible hearts filled with love. They deserve our care and respect. And when they contact us, we are so thankful. We want them to know that, even if we aren’t the chosen parents, they are not alone. They stay in our hearts and minds. And just as a birthmother never stops thinking about her child, we should never stop thinking about her.

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Jillian goes to Syracuse

Lesbian couple looking to adoptHi, there. It’s Jillian and I’m here to talk a bit about my loving, funny and unique family. I come from a big one, which started with my Scottish-born great grandmother having 8 kiddos and those kids having 3-5 kiddos themselves. Family holidays were huge and involved everyone piling into my GrandMary’s house in Baldwinsville, New York, a suburb of Syracuse, to eat, play Gin Rummy (a card game) and badminton. Desert always involved coffee and a long gathering around the table for talking and laughing late into the evening.

These are very fond memories I’ve always kept with me, but more so, they were special because they seemed so unique to our family. I was taught to host guests well and to always have a “wow factor.” This habit explains why we had a bounce house, s’mores bar and rum-serving Captain Jack Sparrow impersonator at our wedding.

My family decorates for EVERY holiday, and I remember having big hearts and cherubs up for Valentine’s Day, green milk and pots of gold for St. Patrick’s Day, Easter egg hunts and Halloween parties as a kid. Christmas and Thanksgiving involved very large meals and family gatherings with little touches like “Santa’s footprints” made with baby powder and boot stencils in front of the fireplace on Christmas morning. I can’t wait to do all the things my quirky, awesome Aunt Mary has taught me as a Girl Scout leader, florist and mom for my kids one day. With that and Pinterest, I have quite the arsenal to entertain my kids for YEARS.

Lesbian couple looking to adoptI typically fly up to Syracuse twice a year. The last time was in June for our wedding. This time was to celebrate my Papa’s 87th birthday with a big party at his nursing home. We had all of his favorites: homemade lasagna, raspberry Italian sodas and German chocolate cake. Since our wedding, Papa has developed spinal stenosis and is now wheelchair bound, but he’s doing well. We gave him a table desk, small dorm fridge and a stereo so he could listen to his classic music, read the paper and eat his fancy cheeses…anything to make him feel more at home.

Married couple looking to adoptMost years, the family gathers in Plum Island, Massachusetts, to spend the week together in a rented beach house. My Aunt Mary goes out of her way to make it special for everyone. We have clambakes, fly kites, light sparklers and build sandcastles. And even though my 12-year-old cousin Lillian is the only one we could consider a kid, we’re all kids at heart. Next time we visit Plum Island, we hope to have our own little one in tow!